Update

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers. I do continue to need them. I am better than I was last week, but every day is a constant struggle. It's hard because I wake up every morning to the realization that today might be the day that I lose my baby and also knowing that I could wake up to this for the next 22 weeks. It's hard, but for the most part I keep myself really busy if I can and just try to take it one day at a time. If I think about the big picture I just want to lay on the couch and cry all day.

Don't get me wrong, I know that what ever happens will be God's will, but sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow and I am still working on it. I don't blame anyone and I am not angry, just really trying to find the peace everyone keeps talking about. And I have to accept that it might not come until after all this is over. I have the faith that I will survive this, and I know that families are forever. Jason is extremely supportive, but this is largely my burden to bear and that is tough. I am trying to live life as a normal pregnant woman and some days are easier than others and I am trying to find joy and happiness in the small things. Like when Jefferson and I dance to music every morning, or when Jason decided he needed to clean the office (a miracle), or when I can go an hour without remembering things are not perfect.

Slowly, but surely, I am sure that warmth and strength will return to me fully and I can smile without a hint of sadness (does that sound really melodramatic or pathetic?), but for now I am dealing in the best way I know how. I am happy for all those who have children and have no problems having them, it's a great blessing and I am not bitter or anything. Count your blessings, that is what I try to do everyday. Don't focus on what you can't control or don't have, remember that someone always loves you, and that without trials you can't know joy.

I hope all of you are getting into the Christmas spirit and remembering those around you. I go to the doctors again on Monday and will update with anything new.

Thank you again for all your support. I love you all!!