Dear Jefferson,
Over the weekend you were doing something you shouldn't be doing and I was trying to discipline you. It is not fun in a normal situation, but with a house full of people it stinks. Especially when you feel like everyone is watching you to see how you do it and if it works. Now, I may be being over sensitive, but when some one commented that you only listen about the fifth time I had to try really hard not to cry and be defensive.
You are a fabulous child. You turn four tomorrow and I don't know where the time has gone. You are so full of excitement, imagination, super human energy, curiosity, compassion, and love. I often say that you have two speeds: fast and sleeping. You are also learning how to push your boundaries and see what you can get away with. I love all of you and that makes it hard, but worth it, when I am trying to teach you to stay in your seat until you finish eating or to not hit your sister with your drum sticks or to please not say the words that you learned somewhere that I don't know.
I feel terribly inadequate to be a mom. I am no where near perfect, not even great. I know this, so when someone says something about your behavior I feel like I have failed. I know that I have a lot to work on. I go to bed apologizing for my failings and pray that I can be better the next day. Today is one of those days, when at 9 a.m. I am already praying for patience and greater love. I am tired, oh so tired, from getting up with you and Addison while you cough and cry during the night. I am grumpy and short tempered and I know that it makes things worse. So I ask you for your forgiveness and love. I know I will get it. You are so quick to say I'm sorry, give kisses and hugs, and return to playing whatever fun game you have invented.
I may not be a great mom, but I am trying and I will try harder to be the mom that you need so someday, maybe, I will feel that you got the mom you deserve. You show me the wonders of the world everyday and remind me to find joy and happiness in the simple things, like to butterfly we saw on our walk yesterday or the fabulousness of bubbles. I am lucky to have such a great little boy.
I love you,
Mom
Kara, you are a great mom! I hope you know I was only referring to the fact that he is a kid, and that's what kids do. I can only hope to be a caring and patient mother like you!
ReplyDeleteSo true! Just want to let you know you are not the only one feeling this way...Keep up the good work :).
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