The Good
I am almost 17 weeks pregnant with our second child
The Bad
The other day I went to the doctor and he surprised me by saying, "Hey you want to find out what you're having today?" I, of course, said yes and was so excited because my mom's birthday is coming up and I could now surprise her instead of waiting for Christmas. Well, any way... he turns on the ultrasound machine and starts hmmmming and uhhhhhhing. Not a good thing. He then points out an abnormality and schedules and appointment with a specialist the next day at the hospital. So, I am completely freaking out and crying due to the fact that I was so completely blindsided. Jason and I went to the hospital the next day and it turns out that our little baby (due to the abnormalities the gender is being blocked from view) has a rare condition called "Limb Body Wall Complex" which is horrible. Basically nothing is forming right. The legs aren't connected to the pelvis correctly, the internal organs are on the outside, the chest never closed, the spine is curved and open, and the brain is not developing properly. I was told that there is a 40-60 percent chance that I will miscarry, but that in all likelihood I will carry our baby to full term where if the baby does survive the birthing process they will only live for a short while and then we will have to send our baby home to it's Father. I am still in shock and numb, I am devistated. I am so tired of crying, but it never stops. I don't understand. I thought my trials with having children were over, but I'm still being tested. It just sucks big time. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I am having a hard time with the thanks. I know I have a lot of blessing and they are still coming, but it's hard to see through this wall of grief. I am thankful for a husband who stands by my side and a wonderful son and a family who is always there for me because I am going to need a lot of extra love and patience in the coming months.
The Ugly
That would be me. I am not handling this well as of yet and you sure can tell by my appearance. But you know what... I don't give a damn.
Kara, hang in there. With everything that's going on in our family right now I wish I could be home to hug everyone. I guess just know that whatever this trial may turn out to be, however bad and ugly it may get, the Lord will make it right in the end.
ReplyDeleteThat is something that should never happen to someone, especially someone that has had so many issues with pregnancies in the past! Kara, if you need a friendly ear who has been there too, my sister in law (who is in logan) had a very similar experience with her second child (her daughter only lived for a 1/2 hour after birth and had severe deformities). I can give you her email, if you'd like. Just let me know.
ReplyDeleteI read about what Jason told us the other night this morning. I have had this on my mind constantly and I am not you guys; so, I can not even imagine the intensity of your thoughts at this time. It is all pretty intense. Wow!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure how open you wanted to be and how much you wanted to tell. I see that it is now out there and I am so sorry that this is what you are experiencing and having to tell.
As I searched the internet this morning I ran into some interesting shared experiences. When and if you want me to share them with you . . . let me know.
I AM SO GLAD THAT KARA WAS ABLE TO SPEND THANKSGIVING DAY WITH HER PARENTS. They of all people know her well and this is surely a tender time for them, also, on top of everything that has been happening.
My personal prayers and wishes are with you hourly.
LOVE,
MOM
xoxoxoxox!
It is amazing how life can be such a rollercoaster, we are thinking of you and the baby often. Love and Prayers from Houston!
ReplyDeleteKara, I am so sad to read this. We will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you! Just know that we all love you and will be there for you any time you need us! The Lord has reasons for everything He does, and even though that probably isn't much comfort right now, there will be a time for healing. Love you little sis!
ReplyDeleteOh Kara, my heart has been aching for you since we found out about your sweet baby. Both Jeff and i have fasted and have been praying for you and we'll continue to do so. Even though our situations are very different I can understand some of what you are feeling. I know your heart is breaking, and you are entitled to feel that way. Just know that we love you and your little family and we have a firm testimony in the plan of salvation and know that the Atonement is real. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know that Heavenly Father knows and loves you and that He will give you the strength to get through this experience. Love you!
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